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Bill Clinton
William Jefferson Clinton "Bubba" (a dumbfounded moron) was the 42nd President of the United States of America, a dark era in between the glory days of George H.W. Bush, and the amazing presidency of George W. Bush. He is a nasty, bad, naughty boy. Anything that you, as an American, are presently unhappy with can be traced back to the corrupt, incompetent Clinton regime. During those eight long years, Americans passed the time by giving control of Congress back to the Republicans, trying to keep Clinton from fondling their teenage daughters, and pondering whether Ronald Reagan was the greatest President or merely a great President, or whether it was George W. Bush who was, in fact, the greatest President of all time. The debate was hampered at first, as Bush had not declared his intention to run for the Presidency, but by 1995, patriotic Americans could feel in their gut that Bush would be elected and serve eight stunning years in office. It was simply too truthy not to be true. Unfortunately, Bill Clinton was too distracted (and oblivious) by the "DNA on the blue dress" and not "having very hardcore sex with that Lewinsky" to start WW3, thus leaving that burden to fall on the greatest president (EVER), George W. Bush (very true). The good news for Christians? We are on the road to WW3 and Jesus is coming! During his tenure as President, Americans suffered through record stock market losses, record low employment, and, for the first time in our glorious nation's history, a budget for disaster. Thankfully, that's all changed now. All of which makes us ask ourselves, Bill Clinton worst president or worstest president? (or gayest president) Plus, according to some, he is the first black president that the U.S. ever had. Yay! Impeachment The impeachment of this hedonist actually occurred, as Congress and all levels of the government wanted his exit. However, when Alan Greenspan heard about it, he threatened to shut down the Federal Reserve and convert the all-strong-against-storm-thunder-uninflatable American dollars of hard-working Americans into the Filipino peso, Argentine peso, and any currency with a volatility of 300% plus. The old ogre also threatened to inform his Jewish nephews, cousins, and illegitimate children to shut down Wall Street that would result in the worst inter-galactic market crash in history. Hence, the impeachment was never announced and history books have been revised that Clinton triumphed. Factoids * His book My Life is the same weight as Michael Moore, and the demon that lives in Michael Moore's belly. * Bill Clinton hates puppies, babies, and you. * It is okay to hate Bill Clinton. * Ann Coulter was the first to discover that he is a friend to bears. * Mr. Clinton did in fact "Inhale" but he never exhaled. * Bill Clinton has an office in Harlem because he enjoys the badonkadonk and the "ill beats". * Ann Coulter was also the first person to discover that Bill Clinton was gay, presumably after the two of them had sex. Clinton later revealed that he is only gay when it comes to evil, crazy bitches. * Chris Wallace the brilliant journalist made Bill Clinton whine on air. * Bill Clinton and Kid Rock enjoy "Puffin The Winston" and "Drinkin the Four Oh". * Ex-President Clinton loves to "trip face" on Willie Nelson's Magical Bus. * Clinton and Tommy Chong are best friends. * Mr. Clinton was too afraid to do cocaine unlike our brave leader George W. Bush. * Bill Clinton is to blame for everything that has gone wrong for the Bush Administration. * Bill Clinton is a founding member of NAMBLA. * his favorite pickup line is: "It's not about the man, it's about the office" * Learned everything he knows about politics from Jimmy Carter. * Fox News Journalist Chris Wallace recently burst his bubba. * After the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, Bill Clinton gave the terrorists an 'A' for effort and wished them better luck in the future. He then urged all Americans to convert to Islam. * Has a doctorate from Knox College and was attacked (see picture at right) by Stephen after receiving it. Superpowers * Multi-tasker supreme! * Ninja * Able to hate Jews and not be a Nazi. * Can read a book like nobody's business. * His lower lip can grow back, after he bites it feeling your pain. * Is groping your wife as you are reading this. * His all-powerful penis causes destruction through its own powers of telepathy. * Eats most forms of fatty foods, including "big boned" interns. * Likes his women easy and his pot "un-inhaled". * Was able to confuse the North Koreans long enough to stall their nucular weapons program through the cunning use of gifts, such as an autographed basketball signed by Michael Jordan. The North Koreans are still wondering who Michael Jordan, or for that matter Bill Clinton are. * Designing of his own Presidential Library, with the specific goal of making it look like a doublewide trailer. * Destroyed an aspirin factory in the Sudan with his heat ray vision so that the Sudanese would have enough migraines to start killing other Sudanese in a genocidal rage. * The power to blend in at his office in Harlem. * Can summon bears to do his evil deeds for him. * Does not know what the definition of sex is. This has gotten him out of some dicey situations in the past. Things that are Bill Clinton's fault * The war against Milosevic (boostered his own image) * The Sudan genocides (see above) * Adultery(duh) * Mark Foley's uhh, you know... * Godless Commies (his own presence makes them spontaneously appear) * Gigli (he just did, okay?) * The air traffic controller strike in 1981 (had a grudge against airplanes, don't ask why...) Wasting Taxes on Libraries named after him Who Should Bill Clinton's Presidential Library Be Named After? Bill Clinton: Stephen Colbert: POLLING BEGAN ON JUNE 11, 2007. See Also * The Clenis™ * Hillary Clinton * Al Gore References